Baby Stuff

So, this whole nesting thing is both fun and furiating.  While shopping for products to ensure that the baby will not be naked nor starved nor murdered in its sleep by the dog, it has become obvious that we are parents-to-be of rare and expensive tastes.

  • 97.3% of all baby clothing, bed linens, and accessories are only manufactured in pastel colors printed with teddy bears and clouds.  This is where the bargains are.
  • 2.1% come in drab “mod” colors: dull aqua, dirty orange, and brown. 
  • .5% come in white.
  • .1% come in nice primary colors or other festive “gender neutral” colors and prints.

Those of you who know us well know that we mostly go for the last category.  What’s wrong with a little turqoise?  Lime green?  Why must all yellows be pastel?  Why does black only come with “punk” or “alternative” adornments, like screen-printed anarchy symbols?  And what about a nice grass green?  Solid colors aside, what about a nice geometric pattern?  Though I don’t entirely agree with the sentiment, this is a cute shirt.

I do understand that the baby will not care what color he or she is wearing or sleeping on, but I don’t want to buy things that are ugly.  Thank goodness for loaners and hand-me-downs!  Right now, free and used are my favorite colors.

Another lesson learned is that many Amazon reviewers are not too bright.  Sample reviews below are paraphrased:

  • In a review for a mini-gym thing, in which a baby lies on its back and bats at little toys hanging from an arch:  My 1-week old daughter was not interested in this AT ALL.  It’s supposed to entertain her but she just went to sleep!!!  I RETURNED IT!!!
  • In a review for some baby spoons:  My 6-week old spits up everything we try to feed him with this spoon,  DO NOT BUY!!!
  • In reviews for many, many products:  We do not own this product, and have neither used it nor seen it in person, but it is terrible!!!
  • Also in reviews for many, many products:  I do not have children, but I bought this for a friend whose baby is due in three months.  She hasn’t even taken it out of the box yet, but it is super cute and durable, and will last the baby forever!!!
  • In a review for a baby swing:  I only gave it one star because zero stars is not an option!!!  We ordered this for our fussy baby upon the recommendation of a friend, and it took FOUR DAYS to arrive!!!  We’d already purchased a swing locally by then, and so we returned this unopened!!! DO NOT BUY!!!
  • In a review for a small (but seriously, not that small) fabric/plastic toy that clips onto a stroller or whatever:  WARNING!!!  My son shoved this hard and jammed it way into his mouth and made a gagging sound!!! This product is DANGEROUS!!! DO NOT BUY!!!  


You might be happy to know that a post about knitting and yarn is pending, as is some more stuff from my house.

2 Responses to “Baby Stuff”

  1. Eileen says:

    I wonder if anyone will get you a baby wipe warmer… Cause babies don’t like cold wipes.

  2. jean skillman says:

    These reviews your found are hilarious. Save them for the book you write one day.


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